It takes time to get over a past relationship. We throw in our all when in love. It is a fest to tell- the darkest secrets, all the personal stories you shared! The one person you hate when in a new relationship is the ex-boyfriend/ girlfriend. That is the most dangerous man or woman around when you walk into a room with your new babe/guy. Even if the past breakup was not your fault, there may be lingering doubts as to who to blame.
There is the issue of the ex who is a phone call away, who lives nearby, maybe waiting. That person may be the one who unseats you. Come to think of it- the matter of one’s last broken relationship has two sides. What went wrong between the two of you may be mainly your fault. See how that ex becomes powerful and casts a strong shadow in your newfound relationship- you may occasionally wonder about returning there.
There is the option of running away from them. Blocking off an ex on social media platforms and mobile phone lines will never erase the memories. You could be in Swahili (restaurant) and your ex that was blocked walks in! He/she will go behind your back and paint you black, red, and green. They do it every day- talking bad about their exes. They will badmouth you anytime your name is mentioned. Of course, not all exes wish you bad. Some will still sing your highest praises at times.
But it takes a certain audacity to move on, to truly cut the ropes of a known past and launch into a new, unfolding future. It takes courage, and optimism in making good with what one has found and learning from one’s past mistakes to forestall the bleak loss of love. To move on from an ex, one must forgive oneself and dive into the new relationship, in faith. The scars of the past will take time to disappear. Sometimes coming from a relationship where the other was unfaithful leaves a sore taste. The new relationship will live through moments where issues of trust arise. That is why talking to the new love about one’s ex and the reasons for breaking up is such a great idea. Patience and understanding are needed to disappear fears of a past that could repeat itself.
Your Smile is Killing me (Songs of a DbAA), 69x69cm, mixed media painting, 07/2020
The ex is the only person that can make you smile in a second. He/she has got that power. He/she knows where to touch you to make you moan or scream and shout in pain, what leads you to a climax, whether you perform well in bed. The story may go round, sooner, or later- that may mean you don’t get the next chic, or they are in line waiting to grab you in their arms! It is a wonderful thing, love is. When in love we are unafraid to share all our weaknesses.
And so, we (the new guy/babe) just hate the exes, we really do. We are like- uncomfortable. That’s why we try to keep the ex at bay. The ex will kill you if she gets a chance. How so, you ask? If you didn’t block her off utterly! Setting boundaries will help you survive love stories gone sour. A total erasure, blocking of the contact online, anyone? It’s not easy as the internet never forgets. The web connects us in strange ways. We loved. We lived. We will fall in love again. And live anew. This is a note for all of us who survived a heartbreak, and for those who wish to cling on to a past. I write also for the past loves that we compare with the present when things seem not so smooth as we want. You taught me how to love, and how not to love. I am grateful for all the lessons. Stay optimistic for the future. Let us build afresh, love again. Tomorrow will be a brighter, warmer day. The opportunity is always there. Start on a clean slate. The sun will rise at dawn.